Ticking Growth

The constant fear of my youth slipping through my fingers in the blink of an eye is truly a feeling that haunts me and makes my stomach churn. I don't exactly know why, or what part of the equation, that creates the pitfall in my stomach.

As I write this, I am nineteen years of age. Most people would say I am still young, some would say very young. I know I still have so much more wisdom to gain and I am fully aware that I am still so naive. But sometimes, it doesn't feel that way. I feel as if I am living in an era which is practically a ticking time bomb - I suppose there is some truth in that. 

As each day passes, as each semester of university comes to an end, as each flight I catch to travel to the destinations I have to be at, as each sleep arrives and as each day the sun rises, it leaves a strange and awkward sense of melancholy in me. I am thankful for these experiences that I get but sometimes it all feels like a massive blur and a "life gets in the way" feeling where it simply feels hectic and busy and there's just no explanation for it.

There's this weighing pressure, as if the time for "accomplishing something while you still can" is slowing fading, and you're expected to have made something of yourself already because you are not getting any younger. Why does this feeling persist? Why does it linger on and leave me feeling as if I am not my age and constantly running out of time? Why does it all just feel like a question of "what is happening right now?"? How do I make it stop? 

There is still an infinite amount of things that I am yet to crack to code to. Currently I am just making it through day by day, suppressing some things whilst expressing others. I will figure out eventually, at least today I am wiser than I was yesterday, right? 

With love, 

Cheryl